Cracking the PC Code

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
Happens every October anymore, with retailers gearing up for The Shopping Season of the year, earlier and earlier. And as expected, the P-C Police are in their annual swarming season, too, feeding on the insensitivities of some and the hypersensitivities of others.

In Oak Lawn, a suburb of Chicago, public schools are being held hostage by Muslim moms wanting their kids to have separate accommodations at lunch during Ramadan. Understandibly, Catholic moms are incensed their kids don’t get similar, special treatment during Ash Wednesday fasting or on meatless Fridays’ during Lent.

There is a simple solution to this apparent dilemma: The School Playground is an excellent place to channel these kids’ energies during the peculiarly Judeo-Christian noontime phenomenon known as Lunch. Not to be insensitive, but let the little buggers run around outside while their infidel American classmates snarf down slices of Kraft cheese and Mrs. Baird’s bread.

I am frankly fed-up with PC-ism run amok.
Get a grip, people—or grow a thicker skin.

In Austin this week an automobile dealership sales manager was invited to leave his job after running a newspaper ad featuring the tease, “Tired of Wet Backs?” It was a pitch for cars equipped with air conditioning, which is not a luxury item for drivers in most parts of Texas. Unfortunately, Hispanic activists decided the ploy was a racial slur, and demanded not just a retraction of the ad and an apology from the dealership, they wanted the hide of the sales manager, too.

(For those of you who are not from around here, “wetback” is a somewhat derogatory pseudonym for persons who illegally enter the United States from Mexico by crossing the Rio Grande River, theoretically emerging on the Texas side of the river with a wet back...as well as wet legs and wet arms and wet hair, etc. However, “wetlegs” just doesn’t roll off the tongue as nicely as “wetbacks,” and you sure can’t sell cars equipped with A/C by teasing “wet legs” in a newspaper ad.)

Ironically, had the offended Hispanics consulted their grammar guide, they would have noticed the newspaper ad in fact did not use the racial slur, “wetback,” but more accurately depicted the uncomfortable state of driving in Texas in the summer without A/C, which results in a wet back. And wet pants, too, come to think of it. Face it, drive anywhere in Texas in August without A/C, and you’re going to need a shower and a fresh change of clothes.
But I digress.

Another source of moist britches, Terry Hatcher, has found herself embroiled in a PC pickle with the government of The Philippines. Seems in a recent episode of “Desperate Housewives,” Hatcher’s character was about to be examined by a rather virile-looking doctor, whose credentials she wished to examine before he examined her. She said she wanted to make sure his diploma “wasn’t from some med school in the Philippines.”

Now the Philippine Government is seeking a formal apology from ABC-TV and the show’s producers.

Do people just go looking for ways in which they can be offended?
How much of this alleged controversy is manufactured for an ulterior purpose?

Remember the alleged dissing of prehistoric homosapiens in the Geico TV ads, boasting, "so easy, even a Caveman could do it." Yeah, that was so offensive, the :30 TV commercial has blossomed into a (marginally entertaining) half-hour sitcom.

It has a script that's so lame, even a Caveman would enjoy it.
Creative note to the geniuses who thought three hirsute white guys with monobrows would be a hit: Less is more.

Hide and watch as the ratings for “Housewives” enjoy a spike as a result of Hatcher’s hapless gaffe. Bet you a can of CF-12 the extra publicity for that auto dealer hasn’t hurt sales, either. Not sure how the Caveman sitcom is going to translate into increased sales for Geico. Frankly, I'd rather watch the little lizard take on the world for a half-hour. Whoo, tasty.

Come to think of it, I’ve got a plan to help Nabisco sell more of its classic saltines. I'll feign offense over a product name that’s offensive to my Caucasian sensitivities. The very idea of selling a product called a “cracker…”