Friday, December 26, 2008

364-Shopping Days before Christmas!

I am eternal optimist, but I am having limited enthusiasm for the human species as we pound a stake down for the end of 2008, and prepare for 2009.

First comes news this morning that Black women are shrinking; headline on the front page of the local paper says so. Does this mean there are fewer Black women around—are their numbers dwindling?

No, the headline is actually talking about the physical size of Black women, which have been noted to have diminished in height by three-quarters of an inch, because of diet.

This does not bode well for future marketing campaigns for Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima.

Driving to the station before dawn today, I expected light traffic on the day after Christmas.
It was.
But the percentage of nimrods on the road at that hour was statistically higher.

One fool decided to pass me on the right with inches to spare—no turn signal, just a surprise sideways slide right into my path. After indicating my irritation with a flash of my high-beams, he then lodged himself along side two other drivers running side by side at same speed, slower than me, and considerably slower than he.

What happened to your rush, speed freak? (Remember, this is 5:15am—hardly anyone else on the freeway.)

I did what any other rational person would have done under the circumstance, dodging left into the passing lane, and smoothly accelerating around the rolling road block. The Fool then accelerated behind me, and passing on my left, trying to initiate an episode of Freeway Ballet, and finally staying in the inside lane, beyond my exit.

Just being horsey, stupid, and arrogant at 5:15 in the morning.
What is it he was trying to prove?

Need more evidence 2009 might not be so swuft?

Keith Richards is publishing a book of daily affirmations, entitled, “What Would Keith Richards Do?" This ought to be good: “I’ve never had a problem with drugs…just with policemen,” he writes.

Uh huh.
Can’t wait for those WWKD bracelets.

And the next Reality TV Show: Pick-ups and Hookups, a sort of redneck version of The Batchelorette

You guessed it from the title: a comely woman (in Daisy Duke’s??) chooses from a suite of suitors based upon his prowess in manly-man competitions like Spam carving and mattress riding, and how well his Pick-up Truck is tricked-out.

Final competition for the lady’s charms: An arm-wrestling contest.

And let this be your first reminder: Only 364-shopping days before Christmas. Plenty of bargain hunters are already joining the fray, with several retailers opening this morning at 5:30.

Maybe that’s where the Fool on the freeway was heading this morning.
Probably wanting to get a good parking place…

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