Cow Economics

There are 21 basic Economic models operating around the world, each trying to survive in the face of global financial meltdown. It is prudent to recognize and understand each:

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your heard grows and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later you hire a consultant to analyze why the remaining cow has dropped dead.

SOCIALISM

You have two cows. You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have two cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATIC

You have two cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

AN INVESTMENT BANK

You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publically-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank…then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer, to that you get all four cows back, with a tax-exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM (Often confused with an Investment Bank)

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow, and produce twenty-times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image, called “Cowkimon,” and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have to cows. You engineer them so they live for 100-years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again, and learn you have 42-cows.
You count them again, and learn you have two cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000-cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have three hundred people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reports the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb you back to the stone age and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least no you are part of a Democracy.

A KENTUCKY CORPORATION

You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good, so you close the office and go to a bar to celebrate.

Thanks to Jim Mann for passing this along.
We are cowed.