As most of you now know, I was "invited to leave" my last employer somewhat suddenly.
"We're going to be doing things differently," I was told on a Monday morning. "Your job has been eliminated," they obliquely explained.
Which was bull.
The job was still there to be done, they were eliminating me.
After the shock wore off, and my office belongings had been carted out, sorted out, and put away in the attic, I've had time to wax philosophic about my present state of unemployment--not an enviable position at all--but, when life hands you 'Gators, you gotta make Gatorade.
So, without further ado, here are a few things about my present condition with which you will either resonate, or stare in wonder, as I list some of the things I like/dislike about being unemployed:
1.) Sleeping late
2.) Watching the sun come up over the pond behind my house
3.) Making the first tracks in the morning grass
4.) No traffic
5.) A tank of gas lasts nearly a month
6.) Free 24-hour parking
7.) It would be relaxing except there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, so far
8.) The end of the tunnel gets closer and closer
9.) If I have a bad morning, I can sleep it off in the afternoon
10.) Watching Letterman
11.) Watching the guy after Letterman
12.) Discovering there’s no Off-The-Air Big Chief Indian test pattern after the guy after Letterman (if you don't understand this, you're not old enough)
13.) Daytime Soaps are more brain-rotting than cartoons
14.) When did they stop making new Popeye cartoons?
15.) A Casual Day consists of whatever I wore to bed
16.) Shaving-optional day
17.) No vending machines
18.) The commissary is always open
19.) Never having to wonder whose day it is to empty the commissary dishwasher
20.) If it breaks, I have to fix it.
21.) Not having to call/wait/explain/wait/call/wait for IT to do it
22.) Screening phone calls
23.) Getting phone calls
24.) No lost messages
25.) Did I mention no traffic?
Today I have two job interviews.
If you're thinking of snatching me off the market, better move fast!