My Least-favorite Things

I am a fairly handy person...when I'm in the mood. The older I get, the less receptive I seem to be to fixing things like leaking toilets or sticking doors. Some things are better left to younger, more patient people than I.
And, I admit it.

So here, for your contemplation, is a blatant rip-off of the Rogers and Hammerstein tune from "The Sound of Music," which came to me as I was squeezed into the space between the wall and the toilet base this afternoon...
oh, the humanity...

Ball-cocks and float valves, and strip-threaded wing-nuts;

Leaky old fittings, and flappers that won’t shut;

Water that’s running all night like a spring…

These are just some of my least-favorite things.

LED’s winking and alarms that are beeping;

Rattling Dryers, across the floor creeping;

Dishwashers smelling and spewing hot steam…

These are just some of my least-favorite things.

Garage doors that bind up, or down, when they’re closing;

Ice makers clatter and pop when you’re dozing;

Hot water heaters that burp, rumble and ring…

These are just some of my least-favorite things.

When the wall sparks,

When the fuse zings,

When I’m feeling mad…

I look for the number of my handy man…

And then I don’t feel so bad.